Go Within or Go Without

If you feel stuck, lost or doomed to less then desirable lot in life I am happy to share good news. You’re not stuck! No matter what you may be going through know that you have the power to change. There was a time in life I found myself standing in a shattered world with little recognition of who I was. I was unknowingly amidst a tremendous blessing, an answer to prayer, but blinded by my humanness I was unable to see it. Everything that happened to me was for me. Life is always for us. All of it. Even in darkest hour when it seems it cannot possibly be true. It’s the friction that shines the gem. Without my visit to rock bottom and those heartbroken moments, I would have never been drawn inward to discover the most important person in my world. Me! This is true for everyone. If we do not go within we go without. The most important person is ourselves. I don’t mean that in a narcissist manner. I mean it in the most fundamental way of nature. It is everyone’s purpose to discover who they are. If we do not go within and love ourselves unconditionally, we go without. Our inner reality is truly reflected outwardly. A reality filled with unsolved material creates an outer world with ample opportunities to heal. Prior to my perceived shattered world, my life was filled with no self-esteem or self-love. This was reflected with abusive relationships and a run in with drugs. Miracles occurred once I turned inward, surrendered to healing and opened to receiving. Once inward, I learned to walk with courage, loving myself enough to forgive the false truths I had placed on myself and others. Through forgiveness and the healing my negative beliefs, layers of false identity were set free through the doors of my liberation and I fell in love… with me… with life… and beautiful things happened. My inner reality of light was reflected outwardly. I encourage you to go within and love who you are too. Believe in your highest potential and be open to receiving the many blessings that await you. You are adored and loved beyond your wild imagination.

Shift Happens: The Power of Self-Love

I’ve been to rock bottom wondering how the heck it happened. In 2006, I experienced devastation beyond anything I could have imagined. For six years, I studied Shamanism with a teacher who I trusted with my life. When we first met, I was coming from a 7-year run in the Rave scene consisting of hard partying. In a vulnerable state, my teacher lured me into a romantic relationship convincing me of how important is was to keep it a secret. With a foggy mind and no self-esteem or self-love, I agreed. I saw him the saving grace from the dark life I lived. After his death, I found out he was not who he portrayed himself to be. I discovered I was one of at least 30 women he had secret relations with, including a secret wife of 20 years. The experience knocked me so far off my path I didn’t know which way was up. I found my world shattered with little recognition of who I was. The beauty is, I was unknowingly amidst a tremendous blessing, a tremendous gift (a shift) that was an answer to my prayers. At that time, I was praying to be shown the path of truth, to know God more deeply, and to know myself and love myself the way God loved me. My prayers were answered even though it “looked “quite differently than I might have expected. There is a quote by Anis Nin that captures the essence beautifully. It states, “’And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom’. Everything that was happening was for me. All of it! Every moment supporting the rose bud of who I truly was in opening! The friction was shining the gem. Even though the path was painful at times, in hindsight, I clearly see the miraculous gift of it all. The shift that took place was profound giving me the gift of knowing myself, and God, authentically. Without my visit to rock bottom and those heartbroken moments, I would have never been able to create the beautiful life I now live. This experience tilled the soil for my soul which, among other things, opened the door to meeting my beautiful husband. It was through the crack of my broken heart that enough light shined in that the miracles of healing could transpire. With my willingness to go in and forgive myself I opened my heart to love. I learned to love myself which ultimately created the space to share a profound love with my husband. There is absolute truth in the saying, if you do not love yourself you cannot love another. If we do not go within, we go without. I am eternally grateful for lessons and wisdom I gained in those hard years of my life. They were the wings to freedom where I learned I could fly.

Just Hit Send – The Miracle of Meeting my Husband

At the age of 33, after spending years in dysfunction and abusive relationships, I came face to face with the need to make a serious choice. Arriving at a fork in the road, I could have remained in the comfort of my misery but instead the Angels that guide me whispered from my Soul to choose life. I did and everything changed. At that time, I was divinely guided to a Masters Program in Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica. While there, I was inexplicably drawn to a man by the name of Steve Hardison, a world renowned life coach. The draw was daunting given calling him a coach is like calling the Beatles a garage band. He is extraordinary man and given I had little to no self-esteem at the time the call to contact him was frightening. Regardless, I choose to be bold and ask for what I want. With a courageous leap of faith, I just hit send on an email that forever changed my life. What I didn’t know at the time there was a deeper level to what was transpiring. My soul was being drawn to my future husband, John, who happened to be a client of Steve’s whose work together at the time had been to consciously create the ideal romantic partnership for John. In synchrony, I was creating the ideal relationship through my work at USM. Steve and I had a 25-minute life altering conversation. With the mentor request addressed within the first 3 minutes, which he kindly declined, I surprisingly found myself pouring my heart out to him about a promise of my heart that I knew I shared with another simply I hadn’t met him yet. Steve, struck by the beauty of my words, thought I was quoting scripture. From our conversation, a light sparked and I birthed the poetic words now called A Promise of the Heart. These later became my wedding vows. Through a series of Spirit led events A Promise of the Heart landed John’s world, where he immediately fell in love with me without ever seeing or talking to me. We were married one year later on 12.12.12. Our love is the greatest gift and blessing God could have ever given me. My intention with sharing this with you is to encourage to to follow the call of your heart. Even if it is faint or doesn’t seem possible. I encourage you to have the courage to Just Hit Send in your life and watch miracles transpire.

A Promise of the Heart

I am promising to love you with all that I am and to receiving being loved by you.
I am promising to grow together in love learning with an open heart and expanding in joy.
I am promising to be your best friend supporting you in becoming the best you can be.
I am promising to stand as a reflection of your brilliance and uniqueness inspiring you with love to follow and manifest your gifts and dreams.
I am promising to serve as a reminder of your authentically beautiful goodness encouraging you in always shinning bright.
I am promising to love you unconditionally accepting and appreciating who you truly are in the wonderful fullness of your humanness.
I am promising my unwavering love and commitment to the full divine expression of us as a couple and to the full divine expression of us as individuals.
I am promising to support wholeheartedly our intimate discovery of each other as Blessings of Love.
I am promising you my loyalty always and forever.
I am promising my loving commitment to growing together on the learning line of life willing to embrace opportunities for growth with love and light.
I am promising to create a co-committed relationship where discovering ourselves together is more deeply intimate and authentic then if we are apart.
I am promising to bring forward the best in one another growing together in love and friendship.
I am promising to walk together in joy through this magnificent journey of life offering an authentic example what it means to BE love and to be in love.
I am promising my whole Self to you in perfect vulnerability so we may share the beautiful blessings our connection is offering.
I am promising to share laughter, joy, and heart-centered connectedness.
I am promising to listen wholeheartedly and to authentically share my truth.
I am promising to always hold and cherish the Holy Spirit as the center of our union.
I am promising openness to the wonderful new depths of intimacy our relationship will bring forward.
I am promising to honor and celebrate our humanness in all the many brilliant shades and colors.
I am promising to love you and be loved by you.